


Switcheroo

by MadManta



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Anal Sex, Blindfolds, Body Swap, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, I'd tell you who's top and who's bottom but it's too confusing, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadManta/pseuds/MadManta
Summary: Does it really matter how it happens? Body Swap goofiness and sleaze.
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

The cacophonous explosion of magic and sparks ripples through the warehouse, bouncing sparkling light off every surface and then falling hastily to darkness.

Rude and Reno lay splayed out on opposite ends of the room, both groaning. Their ears are ringing and the odor of ozone and mako fizzles in the air, making it smell like an exploded reactor.

“You okay?” one asks.

“Uggh,” the other responds.

Rude is the first to sit up. He feels _very_ off-kilter. Sitting up makes him want to fall directly back to the ground. His head is pounding. He raises a hand to press into his temples. His gloves must have been damaged, since he can feel bare skin pressed there. Everything feels wrong, like his head is too big for his body. He runs a hand over his head and freezes.

He’s grown hair. Ridiculous, familiar, spiky red hair.

“… Reno,” Rude says, but it comes out in _Reno’s voice_. “ _RENO._ ”

“Fuuck, what is it?” comes the response, in _Rude’s_ voice, and Rude looks over and sees _himself_ slowly sitting up. He also gets to see in real time as Reno seems to realize what has happened to him. “What the fuck? I’m huge? What the fuck—is that your voice? What the _fuck_!? Rude!”

Rude pushes himself up to standing, and the room definitely seems smaller. The thought makes him smirk despite himself.

“Do I really look that annoying?” Reno asks, and Rude _still_ can’t deal with Reno’s words coming out of his own body.

“Yes, it’s part of your charm,” Rude replies, and decides to go for broke. He sticks his tongue out at Reno.

Reno pulls off Rude’s “horrified shock” face very well. Bastard.

“What the hell happened?” Reno asks and rubs a hand over his face. His sunglasses — Rude’s sunglasses? — were blown off in the blast. Reno pats himself down, taking a full ten seconds longer than Rude would to pull out a spare pair. Rude is still impressed.

“I have the sneaking suspicion it was a trap,” Rude says. He glances around for the electro mag rod and picks it up. It feels clunky and unfamiliar in his hands, but he tightens his fingers around it. “Who sent us out here?”

“Tseng always sends us everywhere, dipshit,” Reno says, growing irritated, the outburst of colorful language very uncharacteristic for the normally quiet big man. “Whoever told Tseng’s stupid ass though? My money’s on that fat fuck Heidegger, pushing us out on _another_ piece of shit _goose chase_ trash fire _FUCKER_.”

Rude looks thoughtful. Maybe he should swear more often, that almost gives him chills. Then again, he knows it’s Reno, and Reno’s anger always gets his motor running. Unfortunately, he’s more used to a slower motor. “Oh, is that all?” he teases, and Reno turns toward him with a glare.

“Don’t make me throw you around,” Reno says, pointing a thick leather finger in Rude’s direction. “You’re at a _big_ disadvantage.”

“I don’t know,” Rude says thoughtfully, tapping his pointed chin. “I’m awfully little and slippery, I’m sure I could wiggle free.”

“Slippery? _Wiggle free_?” Reno asks, and now his face has melted into an ‘o’ of disbelief. It’s disturbing to see such a Reno expression on his own damn face. “That’s _it_ you _son of a bitch—_ ”

“Whoa, _whoa!_ ” Rude shouts, but it’s too late. Reno is a meteor of fury, hurtling at him, and Rude is slammed into the ground with a very rough landing. The wind is knocked out of him. He sees stars, barely noticing Reno’s very large form looming above him until they’re pressed close.

“Ifrit’s balls you’re bigger than you seem,” Reno groans, pushing himself up so that he’s not crushing the smaller body below. “You okay?”

When Rude’s vision comes back into focus, it’s with Reno above him. He feels like he’s staring at a mirror, except it’s strangely attractive, like there’s a different _glint_ behind those sunglasses. Reno shifts above him, and Rude lets out a soft grunt of shock.

He’s hard. Instantly. He hadn’t been kidding at the thought of not being used to a _slower motor_.

Reno’s expression turns very crude, and he pulls the shades off. Up close, Rude can see that his eyes _are_ different, like a strange light blue ring around the pupil. The only physical sign, maybe, that there was something different. A different soul lighting up his eyes.

It’s a much more poetic thought than whatever it is _Reno’s_ thinking as the other man slots a leg between Rude’s.

“You narcissistic fucker,” Reno purrs.

“It’s—not that, I swear,” Rude replies, and he can feel his face heating up in a blush, but it’s so much _hotter_ than it felt on his own skin. He tries to wriggle away from the imposing leg and understands now how impossible that is despite his smaller frame. “I just—I know it’s _you_ , and I don’t know, your body seems.” Rude bites his lip. “Extra sensitive.”

“I’m not a horndog _by choice_ ,” Reno says, looking vaguely offended. “Did my eyes always have gold in them?”

“No. There’s blue in yours, too. I mean, mine. I mean…” Rude lets out another soft groan as Reno continues to move above him.

“I gotta admit, this is hot.”

“Reno,” Rude says, looking embarrassed. He refuses to meet his eyes and instead tries to push the bigger man off of him. “This is serious. We need to go get this fixed. Quit—ah—trying to, _fuck_ , get me to ruin your suit.”

“Wouldn’t be the first one you’ve ruined,” Reno says, and leans down until there’s almost no distance between their faces. “You’ve popped off a lot of buttons on my shirts _and_ pants.”

Rude squeaks, “Sorry?” Then Reno kisses him. It’s weird. He’s in someone else’s body, but this body seems to know exactly what it likes. He’s arching up not of his own volition, one arm going around the broad back. Then he’s jerking backwards. “Not _here_.” Not ‘ever’ is what he’d meant to say, but his brain is fuzzy with a humiliating new flavor of arousal.

Reno looks exasperated in a way that is all him. At least that puts Rude a little more at ease. Reno rolls off of him, and they stand together. Rude blinks slowly as he attempts to adjust himself, scowling. “And you’re not wearing underwear. Why am I not surprised?”

Reno’s looking at him with a strange kind of intensity, and he’s not sure if he likes it or not. Reno makes a kissy noise at him. Oh, yeah. He hates it.

“You look as mad as a wet fuckin’ cat,” Reno leers. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen _that_ in the mirror before.”

“I don’t have to take this crap,” Rude grumbles, snatching the forgotten EMR before he heads out of the building.

“Aw, don’t be such a fuddy duddy, Rude!” Reno says, chasing after him.

Rude is irritated, fingers yanking at his shirt to do up the buttons. “We don’t even have an extra tie in the car, do we?”

“Oh, you know I can solve _that_ problem,” Reno smirks and loosens the tie around his neck.

“Do _not_ walk around in _my body_ with your shirt open,” Rude says. It’s an order with the tone of life or death.

“I’m just _offering you_ your own tie, Rude,” Reno says, and expertly pulls the tie loose. He hands it to Rude, who takes it with hesitant suspicion. “Even though it’s too long for you.”

“Laugh it up, Reno. Just remember that I am _also_ in your body. I can make the entire building think you love that Hojo scientist douche.”

Reno _does_ unbutton the top button of the shirt, but leaves the others intact at that threat. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’ll post it everywhere. Reno’s Secret Love Affair—”

“Just at least let me keep the top button open,” Reno mutters. “I hate stuff around my neck.”

Rude does up his own tie and finds himself embarrassed at the look of the long tie sticking out underneath the buckle of his jacket. He huffs, untying it again. “Maybe Elena has a spare jacket that will fit me.”

“ _Elena_?” Reno asks. “You know how to a hurt a guy.”

* * *

The two had a talk on the way in. Rude wanted to tell Tseng what happened and get a crew working on the fix for this as quickly as possible.

Reno wanted to play a game.

Reno is _very_ persuasive.

As they step through the office, they look “normal” again. The redhead has his shirt open and the man in shades has his tie done up, though it’s as bit more clumsy looking than usual. Tseng doesn’t notice.

“Did you find the electrical disturbance?” Tseng asks, barely looking up.

Reno clears his throat, voice deep and calm. He sits down at his desk, pushing some papers out of the way. “Yeah. Some kind of Thunder-powered magical anomaly.”

Rude adds, as snidely as he is able, “We blew it to smithereens.” He sits down as well, trying to make himself look casual while also avoiding holding the EMR. _“Quit trying to swing that thing like a goddamn baseball bat,”_ Reno had chastised him earlier.

“Why are you two sitting in each other’s seats?” Tseng asks.

They look at each other. “Uhh…”

“That thing really fried our brains, boss!” Rude shouts, voice splitting into nasal territory. “We got knocked down when we finished it off.”

Reno simply grunts in agreement, and Rude finds himself grinning. He insists that’s just part of “staying in character” and not that he’s actually having fun at this game Reno wanted to play.

Tseng’s eyes narrow in on them. He’s puzzling, trying to find out what the game is. He’s never going to guess, unless Reno blurts out a sex joke. Then it all comes crashing down.

Reno, wisely, says nothing.

“If you’re that _scattered_ ,” Tseng says, tone unflattering, “I think it’s best if you leave. Rude, I want that report tomorrow morning.”

A slow horror dawns on Reno as he realizes he will have to wake up early and drag his ass to work looking as fresh as a daisy if he doesn’t want Tseng to know. “A-are you sure you don’t want Reno to uh, write this one?”

Tseng lifts a very suspicious eyebrow. “I’d like to be able to _read_ it, Rude.”

Rude laughs out loud. “Got ya there, partner!”

Reno is glaring at him. Rude is able to let himself laugh very hard in front of the boss for the first time, and the familiar sound of Reno’s cackles fills up the room.

“Let’s go,” Reno grunts, pushing himself up away from the desk and stalking out.

Rude grabs the EMR with his right hand and salutes Tseng with it. “Later!”

Tseng’s head slowly tilts to the side as he watches them go. Very peculiar.

* * *

The second they reach the elevators, Reno is tugging the tie back off and opening two buttons. “How do you _breathe_ in this thing?” he growls.

Rude rolls his eyes. “How are you not freezing all the time? These nipples could cut glass.”

“That’s _part of my power_ ,” Reno grumbles, stuffing the expensive tie into his suit pocket. Rude tries not to wince. “The sheer sexual energy I give off is intimidating, alright?”

“It’s uncomfortable as hell,” Rude huffs, folding his arms.

“Prude,” Reno leers.

“Prick,” Rude grumbles back.

Reno sticks his tongue out at him, and Rude recoils. “Ugh, do not do that. Not with my face.”

Reno laughs. The elevator hits the bottom floor, and they both try to look normal as possible as they speed walk out the front doors. “Well, my place or yours, partner?”

Rude’s shoulders bunch up to his ears. “No. Absolutely not. I am going to _your_ apartment so I can dig up an appropriate shirt, and you are going to my apartment, and.” Rude isn’t sure how to finish that sentence. “Oh, God.”

“Get naked and look at myself in the mirror? Yeah, that sounds about right,” Reno coos, practically dancing down the steep steps of the Shinra building.

Rude stares after him. Reno has spent plenty of time in Rude’s apartment. He’s never damaged anything on purpose. He’s trustworthy. Rude would literally put his life in Reno’s hands. And yet the idea of Reno in his apartment, in his _body_ , alone for one night, fills him with nervous energy.

Rude catches up to Reno a moment later, tugging on his arm. “I’m going back to your apartment,” he says, getting Reno to glance at him out of the corner of his eye. “I’m just going to get some clothes, _some underwear_ , and then I’ll join you at mine. Alright?”

“Think I need a babysitter?” Reno asks, lips spreading into a grin that makes Rude feel dizzy.

“No,” Rude says, refusing to look at him and tugging down on his jacket. “I just figured I’d help you write that report.”

Reno groans in despair at the thought, which turns into other thoughts. “How the fuck do you get up so early?”

Rude smirks to himself. “See you.”

He realizes too late as he’s coming up to Reno’s apartment building that he didn’t think to ask for keys. He pats himself down, a sense of relief flooding him as he finds his keycard in the jacket pocket.

He’s never been inside the apartment alone. It’s oddly quiet but familiarly messy. The sink is full of plates and mugs covered in coffee stains. His garbage cans are full. The room smells stale. He steps out of Reno’s shoes at the entrance.

He sighs, peeling the gloves off his hands, shouldering out of the jacket and shirt. He puts his hands on his hips, getting vaguely distracted by the feel of hip bones under his fingers. Touching Reno’s body even when he’s in it still causes a little private thrill to wind its way up his spine.

“No. _Nope_ ,” he tells himself. He puts all that nervous energy into cleaning Reno’s apartment.

When the dishes are put away and he’s hauled the garbage and recycling — full of clinking empty bottles and dozens of empty canned coffees — he feels better. But he feels sweaty and grimy, and not just from cleaning. They _had_ been blown up by some electric bomb earlier that day. A shower would be good.

Reno’s bathroom could probably use a deep scrub, but he’s not that much of a good samaritan. He turns on the shower and pushes the closely fitted pants off of his legs. He’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to look at himself like this; he just gets into the shower and lets the hot water blast over him. It feels nice, soaking all that long hair, warming up his slim body. He drags the cheap bar of soap over his skin, just trying to get through the motions, when his thumbs trip over his nipples and he gasps. _Sensitive_.

“Down, boy,” he says to himself, but that is not the order he should give. His hand does move down, wrapping around the foreign dick he’s been trying to tame all afternoon and lets out a whimpered moan.

He’s had his hands all over Reno, he’s tasted every inch of him, but this is something else entirely. Just knowing how easy it is to set him off seems like useful information. Not that he’s cataloguing any information now, completely giving in to the feeling of jerking off while his slim fingers of his free hand seek out other ticklishly good spots.

Rude was used to the slow buildup until it was so intense that he had to give in, but not this: not the wildfire of sensation burning up and down his body, the desire exploding out of him like a bomb. He falls against the wall when he comes, a surprised shout passing his lips.

“The _fuck_ ,” he whispers. He’s panting. From _masturbating_. Ifrit’s balls indeed.

He slowly lifts from the post-orgasmic fog, the soap having been washed from his body, but a new challenge arises: Reno has three shampoos and an absolute mountain of trial-sized conditioners in every shape and color.

The good with the bad, he sighs, and just guesses at today’s shampoo and conditioner combination.

After the shower he’s clean, but still feels like a shivering wet dog. Why does he have so much hair? He finally looks at himself in the mirror, now, wiping the condensation away. It’s disturbing.

“Re-no,” he says, over-exaggerating his mouth movements. “Yo.” He laughs at himself and it comes out a giggle. He frowns. He sticks his tongue out. Definitely still in Reno’s body.

Reno’s bedroom is a mess, clothes thrown haphazardly, but he does have a dresser and Rude makes a beeline for it. There, thank _god_ , are the unused, but washed masses of clothes: white shirts with buttons all the way to the collar, ties, his uncustomized old suit jacket, and Rude’s personal favorite, goddamn underwear. He dresses himself in clothes that would make Tseng weep with relief, even tying up a slim back tie that settles nicely on the crisp white dress shirt.

He wonders if he’s going to be staying at his own apartment, assumes it’s likely, and starts pulling out enough clothes to last him a few days. Who knew how long this thing would last. Maybe, if they are lucky, tomorrow morning they will wake up and be back in their own bodies.

He clings to that hope as he has to stand on his tiptoes to reach a duffle bag Reno had stuffed at the back of the top shelf of his closet.

“Short bastard,” he mutters, and hops a bit to gain purchase on it. He yanks it down with a crow of success.

Only at the last minute does Rude stop himself from stuffing everything in carelessly. He has to catch himself, like the body wanted to just get it done and overwith. He primly folds the clothes and places them in the bag. He glances around the room, snatching a few more of Reno’s metal hair clasps, and as he nears the front door of the apartment, sees one more accessory he wants: a pair of his own sunglasses.

He’s charmed that there’s a pair here, just in case, but he’ll replace them. As they settle over his eyes, he feels at peace. He tucks the EMR into the duffle, shoulders the whole thing, and heads back to the train station.

* * *

Reno barely passes over the threshold before he’s tearing his clothes off. He leaves a trail of expensive suit pieces as he makes his way into Rude’s fancy bathroom. Or tries, but knocks his broad shoulder against the doorframe with a shocked grunt. “Fuckin’ doors,” he hisses. He doesn’t let it keep him down, stepping in front of the mirror there.

His nose scrunches a bit.

It’s weird.

He’s _not_ Rude, but he’s looking out of those eyes and seeing Rude. He pinches himself. “Ow,” he mutters in a distinctly low voice. “Reno,” he says, in the low deep voice that Rude usually says his name in.

He flexes, looking at himself at all angles, making all the ridiculous expressions Rude would never make. It’s hilarious and frankly lightens his mood, and is too entertained by the sight to do anything other than hop in the shower.

Reno is very familiar with this shower and rubs himself down with the blue exfoliation rag that Rude uses because Rude is _posh as hell_. It feels different on his skin now than it had before; maybe Rude was less sensitive, he thinks. He swats himself on the thigh and frowns. He hangs up the rag and then slaps his own pec. It jiggles just a little. He giggles.

The shower is over quickly. Soon he’s digging around in Rude’s immaculately folded laundry to pull on a ‘baggy’ t-shirt — it’s very fitted on him and he _never_ wears it, even though Reno got it for him — and just a pair of black boxer briefs. He knows he looks good, but the relaxed body he’s inhabiting isn’t pushing him towards checking himself out. He feels… Mellow. It’s strange.

He just pulls out his phone, and realizes too late that it’s Rude’s phone. He sighs, putting it on the coffee table, and looks for a book on one of Rude’s densely decorated bookshelves.

Sure, it’s an art book, but he doesn’t feel like reading a damn novel.

By the time Rude actually walks through his door, Reno has spread himself comfortably out on the couch, only half-way through the book. He’s been reading the excerpts, rapt with interest, and he has to admit, having larger, broader hands makes it more enjoyable to sit and pore over every page.

Rude sounds annoyed. “You left my door unlocked?” he asks, locking the three sets as he toes out of his shoes.

“Did you have a key?” Reno asks in quiet bemusement and looks up from the book.

Rude stops to stare at him. It’s unusual for both of them. A deeply unsettling thing, to see the only person you’ve ever been for three decades, and to not be that. “Fair point,” he says. He approaches the couch, dropping the duffle nearby. “What are you reading?”

Reno sticks a finger in the book to mark his page and then opens it to look at the cover. “Impressionist Junon Revivalism,” he reads, eyebrows popping up. “Huh. Yeah, that seems about right.”

Rude rolls his eyes, unfastening the suit jacket before sitting on the opposite end of the couch. Reno stuffs his warm feet under Rude’s slim thigh, and then the book slams for real. “What did you do?” Reno asks, sounding aghast.

“What are you talking about?” Rude replies.

“My _hair_ ,” Reno says, and tosses the book aside. He quickly moves over to hold the limp red locks, frowning. “Jeez, you didn’t follow my patented 4 step process? Look at this!”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Rude says, ignoring him. “Do not try to shave my damn head. I don’t want permanent scars while you tried to get those hard to reach parts.”

Reno is frowning, still serious. “Honestly, we’re gonna have to set some rules. I can’t have you literally destroying my hair.”

“Oh, _now_ you want to set rules?” Rude scoffs.

“Shut up,” Reno says, rolling his eyes. “Come here.” Rude turns and sees Reno spread his arms and legs in an offering for the smaller man to crawl on top of him.

Rude sighs, but after such a stupid day, he’s happy to do it. He lets himself fall into the warm, soft embrace. His cheek presses against the soft t-shirt. Reno had bought it for him ages ago; he never wore it. He feels guilty. Reno’s arms settle around his back. They lay quietly, looking at nothing in particular.

Rude closes his eyes. “I’d really rather be in my own body right now.”

Reno gives a soft laugh, causing Rude’s pillow to move with the extra breaths. “I get it. I feel so calm. I never feel calm like this.” He fights off a smile. “Bet you’re antsy as hell.”

Rude frowns. “I’ve had some trouble adjusting,” he admits.

“You were gone longer than I’d expected,” Reno murmurs. He slides one hand down to the other’s shoulder, and then over to his hand resting on Reno’s chest. He covers it easily with his fingers. “What’d you do when you got to my apartment, sicko?”

Rude’s shoulders shake with little puffs of laughter. “Honestly? I did your dishes and took out your garbage.”

“ _Uuugh_. Seriously?”

“Then I took a shower and uh…”

Reno waits for him to finish, but when the end of the sentence never comes, he makes a scandalized sound. “You dog!”

“What, you didn’t?” Rude asks, and he’s actually blushing. He looks so embarrassed; it’s incredible. Reno knows Rude benefits from his tawny dark skin just based on the depth of his blush now, not normally something so visible.

“Nope,” Reno grins. “Didn’t feel the need to. I did make some very stupid faces in the mirror.”

Rude buries his face in the other man’s chest, too embarrassed to respond.

Reno rubs his hands over the other man’s back, mouth falling slack with lazy comfort. They’re quiet again for some time, just soaking in the relaxation of sitting in a way neither of them had experienced — being so slight or solid.

Reno breaks the silence. “So, you gonna let me fuck myself?” he purrs.

Rude groans. He still sounds humiliated. “Not tonight.”

“Aww, but what if we wake up in the morning and it’s just magically gone?”

“Then I’ll be relieved,” Rude says. He tries to look up at the other man earnestly, but it’s hard to just look at Reno who is not-Reno. “I can barely look at you this way. It’s just discomfiting. I want to… Get used to this.”

“Are you sure that’s what it is?” Reno asks and pulls Rude’s body up a little further. He presses their lips together in a chaste kiss. “Or is my body just giving you a ‘too horny to function stomach ache’? I’ve been known to get those.”

Rude groans, letting his face fall into Reno’s neck. “Just put me out of my misery,” he moans.

“I am going to bridal carry your ass to bed,” Reno says suddenly, and Rude’s head pops up in horror.

“Don’t you dare—”

“ _You don’t have a choice_.”

“Reno—!”

Rude still is not slippery or small enough to ‘wiggle away’, and instead Reno stands triumphantly with the bundle of his own body in his arms, laughing. “That mad wet cat look _again_!”

“I’m telling Tseng.”

“Fuck. We have to write that report,” Reno says, but still carries Rude into the bedroom and dumps him unceremoniously on the bed.

Rude groans, sitting up to undress himself. “Fine, I have a pen. You owe me.”

Reno puts his hands on his hips, position just cocky enough to look utterly _unlike_ Rude that it put Rude at ease. Reno makes that kissy noise again before spinning out of the room. Twerp.

Rude strips down to an undershirt and underwear, attempting to not fall straight back against the pillows. Thankfully Reno is making too much noise as he returns to let him sleep, holding two beer bottles, a couple wrinkled sheets of paper and one of Rude’s very nice and overly priced fountain pens.

They settle on the bed next to each other, legs crossed and knees bumping, while Rude attempts to settle the impressively crumpled papers flat against a large book. “How did you even manage to do this? I literally keep these in a folder to _prevent this_.” He starts to write and frowns. “Uhh… Reno?”

Reno is peeling his t-shirt off, tossing it off the side of the bed. He reaches for the beers, twisting them open. “What, short stack?”

“Laugh it up, jackass,” Rude says, snatching a beer from his hand. “Look at this.” He holds up the report in his free hand, taking an overly large gulp of fridge-cold beer.

“What?” Reno asks, squinting at the report. His eyes widen, that flash of blue-green overtaking eyes completely for a moment. Rude catches himself staring. “Oh, god. No. Seriously?”

The handwriting on the report is very demonstratably _Reno’s_. The soul may be in charge of the body, but the body still has its own quirks. Tseng is expecting a report from _Rude_ , which means Reno will have to write it if it is to look like Rude actually composed it.

Rude just smirks at him so smugly that Reno thinks his partner might be _too_ good at this. He drops the pen and book with the papers in Reno’s lap, and then sits back, letting his legs fall open on either side of Reno’s body. “Shall I dictate?” he teases.

“Don’t even joke,” Reno says seriously, throwing the paper away that had writing on it to start fresh. “Of course you’re fuckin’ dictating.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning happens in a way that Reno does not expect.

Rude’s phone goes off at 6 AM. Reno jerks awake from his slumber with ease, which is the first strange thing. He rolls over, hand reaching for it to turn it off. It takes him a extra effort since he’s not used to turning off alarms _ever_ , since he normally sleeps through them.

The shrill noise shut off, he slides back down in bed. It’s still dark and warm, and his hands slide over Rude’s waist, which feels awfully slim.

Ah, right. He isn’t even sleeping like himself; he's sleeping like Rude. Which means he would wake up to anything. A cockroach breaking its leg could wake Rude.

His arm tightens around the other man. He inhales deeply, the odd mix of his shampoos and conditioners making him smell unusual. Reno hadn’t been kidding when he’d implied he wanted to _get to know himself_. He had always been proud of his looks, but this is some new fantasy that, now that he has the option, he wants to fulfill it.

He also understands why Rude is so freaked out by it, and doesn’t want to pressure him. But the flesh feels so good under his hands, as he splays out his wide hands. Rude makes a soft whine in his sleep. Reno just grins, tucking one arm under Rude’s pillow and allowing the other to press tenderly on his hip.

He pulls Rude’s hips flush against his and hums into that mop of hair. He should just go back to sleep; if Rude had tried to wake him at the crack of dawn with a boner, he wouldn’t have taken it very well.

Rude is deeply asleep through the soft hip squeezing and light rocking. Reno is starting to _get_ what makes Rude tick. When he’d been alone, he hadn’t had much of a desire to settle on with himself. And when Rude had been awake, he was interested, but not oppressively so.

Now, after laying with the other man all night, touching him, that low level burn had started to pick up, filling him with a feeling of intense longing. He’s seen Rude get like that before, so pent up that he pinned Reno to the wall after a job, and bit him so hard on the neck Reno nearly punched himself as he desperately shoved a hand into his mouth to stop the moan of delight.

Reno isn’t going to do it while he’s asleep, though, and tries desperately to fall back asleep.

Twenty minutes later he grumbles, getting out of bed to go make a pot of early morning coffee.

Three hours pass and Reno spent it on 3 cups of coffee, long stretches of time staring at the TV, and going through his phone that he dug out of the duffle bag Rude had brought over.

He glances at the clock and realizes it’s after 9 AM, and he smirks. Rude is gonna be _pissed_.

Reno saunters back into the bedroom and sees Rude there, arms and legs akimbo like the bed starfish Reno normally embodied. He walks up to the bed and strokes his fingers over Rude’s cheek. “Hey,” he murmurs, so quiet, so sweet.

“Muh,” Rude says, but otherwise doesn’t move.

Reno grins, hand sliding down to Rude’s shoulder, and then shakes it powerfully. His whole skinny body flops.

“Whu-huh-hey!” Rude rambles dizzily, his eyes fluttering. “The hell?”

“There you are,” Reno croons. “It’s nine.”

Rude’s eyes close with a soft yawn, and then they slam open, flashing golden brown for a split second. “It’s _what_.”

“Welcome to waking up in my body, buddy,” Reno sings, and kicks the foot of the bed. “Now get your ass up, we gotta go play it cool at the office.”

“ _Fuck me_ ,” Rude moans in despair, dragging himself up to a sitting position.

“Not enough time, hot lips,” Reno says, and then digs out a fresh suit for himself.

Rude stumbles into the bathroom to deal with his morning grooming routine while Reno dresses himself in a way that’s almost up to snuff. He’s not putting that tie on until the very last moment. He just can’t bear it.

Rude is struggling as he digs through the duffle for clothes. Reno hands him a coffee cup and tries not to look smug.

He fails, but Rude is too tired to notice, only giving him a grumbled, “Thank you,” as he chugs the mug in four terrifying gulps.

Later, when they get to the office, Reno apologizes for his lateness with a deep bow to Tseng and hands the report over. “I got sidetracked by him,” Reno says, gesturing at the frazzled looking redhead.

Tseng shrugs, taking the report. “Thank you.” Only when Reno turns away to sit down does Tseng lift an eyebrow at him to look through the report.

Rude has had his fourth cup of coffee and seems to be perking up when Tseng wanders over to Reno.

“Very nicely done, Reno,” Tseng says, dropping the papers in front of him. Rude stares in horror.

“Thanks. Rude helped,” Reno says, and then snaps his mouth shut.

“Idiot,” Rude says.

“ _How did you know_?” Reno gasps, sitting back. “Did you know the _whole time_? Witch, yo!”

“I have no idea how you both managed to do this, but — Reno is _left-handed_ ,” Tseng says, pointing in Rude’s direction, “and never in the decade I’ve known either of you, has Rude tried to pass a report off on anyone else. _Especially_ Reno.”

“It was the anomaly,” Rude interrupts. “After it exploded, we woke up in each other’s bodies.”

“Well, now that that’s over with,” Reno huffs. He quickly removes his tie and unbuttons the shirt — just two, for now.

“Reno!” Rude hisses.

“I am not wearin’ a tie for no man. Not even you, sweet cheeks.”

Rude blushes. It’s so red even Tseng mutters, “Wow.” That doesn’t help the humiliated pink cheeks. Instead Rude just pulls at his own shirt buttons, fastening them with haste. Reno tosses the sunglasses off his face and Rude scrambles to pick them up. He pulls the goggles off with a grunt of relief. He’s sure there’s two circle imprints on his damn forehead.

Tseng looks at the two of them, outfits not-quite-reversed, and shakes his head. “You should have told me immediately.”

“I agree,” Rude says, sounding miffed. “Believe me, I tried to tell him.”

“Oh, bullshit, you caved the second I said it would be fun to fuck with him.”

“That’s not what happened!”

Tseng’s eyebrow twitches. “Gentlemen. Shut up.” They both do, and Tseng begins to pace. “Was there anything left at the site?”

“Not that we could see. But we were uh, suitably distracted,” Rude admits. “It’s possible we left something.”

“Head back out there,” Tseng says with a nod. “And take some security officers with you.”

“What, so we can switch bodies with _them_?”

Tseng stares at both of them for a long moment before a sinister smile settles over his face: so sweet and innocuous, eyes closed, it’s absolutely terrifying. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Now get out of here. I will make further inquiries. Perhaps the Science Division—”

“No,” Rude and Reno say in unison.

“Out,” Tseng repeats, and the two of them scuttle out the door.

* * *

Rude and Reno drive a van full of awkwardly staring Shinra security officers back out to the site. The first time someone opens their mouth, Reno snaps, “No questions.” Rude’s purple shirt has just been split down to mid-chest. It’s how Reno feels most comfortable, and Rude is long past caring anymore. Rude just prays silently that the anomaly is back in the building, and that they can just punch it until it explodes. Again.

Worked out real well for them last time.

Unfortunately the place is deserted. The security officers spread out, plasticky foot steps echoing around the warehouse, but there’s still nothing moving.

Reno stops to look down at the floor, spotting a scuff mark, and realizes this is where it must have exploded before. He squats down, brushing dirt away from the mark. “Hey, Rude,” he says, resting his wrists on his knees. “I think there’s something written here.”

“Oh?” Rude squats down next to him, pulling the sunglasses closer to his face as though it would help him focus. “‘Know thyself’?”

“Cool. Real fuckin’ helpful, exploding dickhead ball,” Reno huffs.

A security officer stands awkwardly nearby, bristling with questions that will go unsaid, but he can’t seem to help himself: “Maybe it means know _intimately_?”

They both turn to look at him with such a strong glare he squeaks.

“Right! Sorry. No questions. Stupid, stupid, Jenkins.” He shuts up.

The Shinra employees all pile back into the van. Half way through the drive back, Reno leans over a bit in the passenger side seat. “Maybe it _does_ mean intimately,” he says with a grin.

Rude just blushes and angrily floors it the rest of the way back.

* * *

The rest of the day is spent trying to convince Tseng _not_ to go to Hojo. “We just need a little more time,” Rude says. “None of us want to deal with him, least of all you.”

Tseng sighs in tired agreement. The things that man had done to innocent people — an innocent woman and her child — made his skin crawl, and he’s not interested in sending his best and brightest off to him. Even though he’s had to see more of Rude’s bare, muscular chest than he’s ever wanted to see in his life.

At the end of the day, Reno and Rude end up back in Rude’s apartment. It’s been a day of pointless endeavors. Rude just wants something to go _right_ and heads straight to the fridge for a beer.

“Why don’t you want to know me _intimately_ , eh?” Reno asks, following into the kitchen. He peels his gloves off, fingers just as stifled as his neck would have been in that tie.

Rude twists the cap off and takes a long drink. “I have never taken the phrase ‘go fuck yourself’ literally, Reno.” He turns away, facing the only small window in the kitchen, staring out at the dreary city.

Reno’s arms slide around Rude from behind, pressing the slim body close. “You don’t like it, do you?” he murmurs close to his ear. “Seeing me _as you_ doing things to you.”

Rude lets out a soft puff of nervous air, clenching his hand around the bottle. “It’s too strange to me,” he says, and feels a big hand slide over his chest. He closes his eyes. “Your voice is okay. The way you talk is still…” He feels Reno pulling his tie loose, letting it flutter to the kitchen tile. “Still you.” He has to admit he’s been extra frustrated all day because this _body_ just wants, wants, wants, and he’s been repressing urges all damn day.

“Finish your drink.” Reno’s lips are moving over his ears and neck. The contact is light and teasing, but it’s still enough to cause Rude to squirm. It’s no wonder Rude normally liked to do this to his partner, seeing how easily it lit the fire in him. He could also see why Reno would get so damn frustrated so fast. “I’ve wanted you so bad, all day,” Reno is mumbling, his voice practically making Rude’s skin vibrate. Rude’s pants feel very, very tight. He swigs the rest of the beer and tosses it into the recycling.

“Keep your eyes closed,” Reno purrs, and in one swift movement rips the smooth white shirt open, buttons popping and landing with soft clatters everywhere as they bounce off the counters and floor. Rude’s not even mad when he feels fingers squeezing and pinching at his bare chest. He’s wanted Reno all day, too, but it’s felt so wrong. With his eyes shut, he’s more open to the idea. “Until I get a blindfold.”

The wanton moan that comes out of him at that thought is embarrassing, but Reno stops his mind from going into overdrive as he presses two fingers into Rude’s mouth. He’s instantly distracted again, the tip of his tongue swirling over the digits with purpose.

Reno rumbles a laugh and says, “Good boy.” Rude’s knees shake. Reno starts walking them forward, very carefully to avoid any obstacles, but Rude’s apartment is usually immaculate. It’s an easy, if slow, trek to the bedroom. “Eyes closed?” Reno asks, and Rude hums a confirmation around the fingers in his mouth; Reno slides them out and listens to Rude’s labored breathing.

Reno pushes him. Rude doesn’t even flail, just lets himself fall forward and hits the bed. Reno’s tearing his own clothes off while he opens up the bedside table to get the items he needs, grunting in annoyance when it takes more than a minute to finally wrap his fingers around the infrequently used blindfold. Neither of them normally enjoyed the sensory deprivation, but he’s glad they have it now.

“Hey,” Reno says, putting a knee on the bed. He drops the items he’d grabbed nearby so that he can shimmy Rude out of the rest of his clothes. Reno is still impressed the other man had been able to find so many of his less-tailored outfits, the baggier clothes the only thing that seemed to give him some confidence in the smaller body. “You good?”

Rude exhales sharply. “Yeah.”

Both of them stripped, Reno allows himself to look down at his own body with an interested grin. The whole time that growing interest had been thundering in the back of his mind, but now it was hitting him full on. He wants to touch himself, but first leans over Rude to pull the blindfold in place. Tension eases out of his shoulders. Reno’s mouth lands on the back of his neck, pushing the ponytail aside to trail kisses over his back. He adjusts his legs so that his knees are on either side of Rude’s hips; he uses one hand to prop himself up and his left to wrap his fingers around his thick, hard cock.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hisses. He is going to need to stop that. It feels _so_ good, and Reno knows how tight the other man is going to be for him. It’s such a beautiful cock, he isn’t sure how Rude got through a normal day without putting it in whatever he fucking _could_.

“Reno,” Rude whines, urgency lacing into his tone.

Reno just smirks, forcing himself to let go of his own dick so he can flip over his partner. Rude’s hands fly out to his sides, fingertips digging into the blanket. He’s flushed down to his chest, and his cock is already wet at the tip. He’d probably been rolled over into his own wet spot. Reno moans at the thought.

He bends down, placing nipping kisses over his chest, sucking sensitive nipples past his teeth. Rude is beyond the ability to respond with words; he’s so wound up he digs harder into the blanket to just keep himself from thrashing.

“Easy, baby,” Reno murmurs. He scoots down so that he can maneuver himself in between Rude’s legs and reaches for the lube he’d tossed aside earlier. The obvious sound of the top of the lube popping open causes Rude to moan in relief.

“ _Finally_ ,” he says, his own legs pulling up to expose himself more easily. Reno lifts an eyebrow and makes a mental note to return to the blindfold later. Same dynamic and different bodies still appeals to Reno _very_ much.

Reno slicks up a finger and takes extra delight in teasing Rude’s hole. He’s flustered but still tense, whining to the point of irritation. Reno finds that his mouth is watering when he looks down at the slim body and thinks of something rather devious.

Rude has a big dick. That was just a fact. Reno could suck him like a champ, but it frequently took a lot of effort and coaxing to finally get his throat warmed up enough to take him in all the way. And while Reno had no qualms about the size of his own dick, it was much more _reasonable_ , especially considering Rude was just a larger man in general.

“You wanna come?” Reno breathes, his lips so close to the other man’s shining dick that Rude can feel the puffs of breath.

“Want you to _fuck me_ ,” Rude hisses.

“Dream a little bigger, partner,” Reno grins, and swallows down Rude’s cock in one smooth, hot motion.

Rude can’t say anything. His hips jerk upward and he _yells_ , coming instantly as his whole cock is sheathed in that warm wetness. It is normally the sound of Reno’s voice that shakes the walls, so it’s not like this is an unusual occurrence. Rude’s gasping for breath as Reno swallows around him, humming a pleased moan.

When he finally pulls off, Rude’s cheeks are so red he looks sunburnt. Reno wishes he could see his eyes, but he knows it isn’t quite the same as seeing Rude’s genuine face. Reno has also been working behind the scenes, two fingers scissoring inside his partner.

“You look so good for me,” Reno purrs, scooting so that Rude’s spread thighs rest on his own. The heavy tip of his cock rests against the crease of Rude’s hip as he pulls his fingers out. “You still want me?”

Rude’s breathing is finally evening out, but he’s growing restless, almost bratty. His hands reach down his body to reach for Reno’s knees. “Hurry up,” he growls.

“Say it,” Reno says, covering his dick with lube. He can’t help stroking himself, though, the feel of it in his hand both familiar and not. He teases himself, pulling the thick foreskin back and rubbing his thumb along the underside, creating tantalizing new feelings he’ll have to remember later. He knows that Rude can feel, and hear, his hand gliding over himself, the wet noise a treat for both of them. Rude’s cock is already half-hard again, and Reno just smirks, knowing his own body’s capabilities.

“Fuck me, please,” Rude says voicelessly, biting down heavily on his bottom lip. His hips keep shifting as he tries to get closer. That’s put to a swift end as Reno wraps one large hand under Rude’s thigh, holding him still. This way it’s easier to use his hand guide himself inside.

He has to stop when just the head makes it in. He shuts his eyes, head spinning at the feeling. His cock is so _big_ and the other man is so _tight_ , he’s never felt anything like this before. His fingertips press deeply into Rude’s thigh, growling, and he tries to get a hold of himself. He forces one eye open to look at Rude, and he at least knows he’s not alone.

Rude looks absolutely _destroyed_ , mouth open, fingers digging into the comforter like he’s trying to keep from flying away. Reno pushes forward very slowly and suddenly a stream of profanity is falling from Rude’s pink mouth: “ _Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck-me—_ ”

Reno lets himself fall forward, finally, elbow landing next to Rude’s head. He isn’t even fully seated, lips close to Rude’s as he moans, “So _tight_.” Rude’s hands fling themselves around Reno like magnets, wrapping around him to crush their bodies together. Reno allows himself to press in that final inch, dizzy with pleasure.

Rude’s going to draw blood he’s clawing at Reno’s broad back so desperately. He’s a versatile man and has been on the receiving end from Reno countless times, but it’s _not the same_. His body is a sparkling conduit of heated desire and it feels like he’s stretched out in a way he’ll never come back from. When Reno starts to withdraw, such a pathetic sound escapes his mouth, he tries to stop it with a beg: “Kiss me?”

Reno does. He has to admit it’s easier to shove his tongue into Rude’s mouth and bite his lip than focus on anything else as he begins to drive his cock in and out of him. He’s never going to stop. Even if he comes, he’s just going to keep going. There’s no possible way he could give this up.

Reno finally breaks the kiss because he can’t _breathe_ ; he needs all his strength and energy for fucking the man under him. He knows it’s Rude under him and just listening to every little frantic noise is driving him nuts. No one is even touching Rude’s cock, and he’s sure no one will have to.

“You feel so good,” Reno breathes, his teeth finding Rude’s neck. Rude makes more sounds that would _never_ come out of him in any other instance. Reno tightens his left hand on Rude’s ass as he begins to slam into him harder; sweat is rolling down his neck and chin and back. Though some of what’s slippery wet on his back could be blood, Rude’s clawing at him so needily. “Don’t ever want to stop,” he moans into Rude’s shoulder.

Rude can’t make any commentary even if he wanted to. All he can do is ride it out as that glowing spark spreads through every nerve ending. He’s wet with sweat and still goosebumps have risen over his arms and chest and legs. Everything that’s happening to him is involuntary, every clench and pant and squeak. He’s holding on for dear life, tense body trembling with the effort, and Reno can’t stand the sight of him like this.

“Please,” Reno asks, slowing back down to press deeply inside him. His lips move to Rude’s cheek, over those red tattoos. “Can I see you?”

Rude shakes his head, pressing his lips together, another whine floating out of him.

“ _Please_ , baby,” Reno hisses. Every slow thrust forward grinds their bodies together, trapping Rude’s obscenely hard length, and Reno’s starting to lose his ability to keep it together. “Please let me see your face.”

The slow friction is sweet torture. “You g-gonna let m-me come?” Rude whispers.

“Yeah, I just need to see you.” Reno is peppering kisses over that face, and Rude’s writhing finally turns into an eager nod.

“Fine, just _hurry up_ ,” Rude insists; he’s let himself give in to that complete Reno experience by being feisty.

Reno doesn’t even laugh, just pulls the blindfold off of him and gasps at the sight; it’s only Rude’s eyes, deepest golden brown, staring back at him. He’s so damn beautiful and Reno loses it, drilling fast and hard. Rude is letting himself look at him, and Reno knows now he’s got the same unusual eyes, bright blue-green and unnaturally lit.

It’s possible that one of them says something, but it’s impossible to know what it was or who said it. The frenzy overtakes them, long slim legs wrapped around a broad dark back, furious slapping of bodies together; one of them screams, and then the other, and they swallow each other’s voices with a burning kiss as orgasm destroys their ability to think anything other than _yes yes yes mine_ _mine_ _mine_.

When Rude opens his eyes, he’s staring at Reno. The actual, real Reno. And he’s still inside him. He lets out a shocked laugh, and his own damn voice comes out.

“Aw, _man_ ,” Reno says, head falling back against the bed. He looks as wrecked as Rude feels, which makes sense. “I wanted to fuck that ass more than _once_.”

Another exasperated chuckle tumbles out of him. “I can’t _believe_ I love you,” Rude says. Their foreheads touch, and Reno licks Rude’s nose with a smirk.

“Oh, I think you can,” Reno hums, and slowly lets his arms fall to his side. He realizes his fingertips are a little bloody and winces. “Ooh, buddy…”

Rude winces. “It’s fine.” He lets their bodies separate, pulling out with an obscene flood of cum. “ _Whoa_.”

“Sorry, came my brains out,” Reno says with a pleased toothy smile, and doesn’t look sorry. He presses his hands behind his head. “So, do we pretend to still be in the wrong bodies at work tomorrow?”

Rude manages to push himself up even though he feels like his entire soul came out of his dick. Or Reno’s dick.

He sighs. “No, Reno,” and his voice tastes good coming out of his own damn mouth.

Reno grins slyly up at him. “I missed hearing you say my name in that deep, disapproving tone. You know it’s my favorite.”

“Brat,” Rude says with a stifled grin, and swats him right on the pec. Reno lets out a yelp.

The next-door neighbor has had enough of all the blasted shouting and bangs heavily on the wall with a very muffled, ‘ _Shut the fuck up!_ ’

Rude blushes and it’s much less stark than it had been on Reno’s pale cheeks. What a relief. “I’m getting the cure materia,” he says, about to climb off the bed. “And I’m _calling Tseng_.”

“Noo,” Reno says, and yanks Rude back down into his arms. “At least cuddle me. Think of how sore my ass is right now.”

The tips of his ears were getting that blush now. Rude swears under his breath and relents, crushing the other man in his arms. “Felt good at the time.”

“Sure as fuck did, partner,” Reno yawns, and knows Rude is not getting up the rest of the evening.

* * *

When Rude arrives to work on time the next morning, Tseng simply asks: “Do I want to know?”

“Nope,” Rude says, and flips on his terminal. “But you should make sure Jenkins gets a bonus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS ADORABLE HILARIOUS ART FROM JOHAN IRAE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24572095
> 
> Also find me on twitter @MantaWords yall omg

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Body Swap](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24572095) by [johanirae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johanirae/pseuds/johanirae)




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